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Via skype reis ik naar Leiderdorp naar Brenda Stekelenburg.
Brenda is ook lid van V-PCN en vindt het leuk een inkijkje te mogen geven in haar werk als kindercoach, holistisch natuurgeneeskundig vaktherapeut (alleen voor mensen) en kind/gezin coaching met paarden. Een eerste indruk van haar warme en aantrekkelijke websites www.heelkindcoaching.nl en www.heelkindcoaching.nu geeft me het gevoel dat zelfbewust zijn en zelfontplooiing een rode draad is.
Alexandra van der Vis
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Brenda Stekelenburg
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Brenda is getrouwd met Cees. Het stel heeft twee zonen van 27 en 14 jaar. Het gezin woont in het Zuid-Hollandse Leiderdorp. Niet al te ver daar vandaan, ligt Stal De Vrijhoeve, aan de rand van Hazerswoude-Dorp. Daar staan de paarden en pony’s waarmee ze werkt. Haar eigen dressuur- en coachpaard Finesse, welke ook daar gestald is, heeft op dit moment een veulen. Dus de dressuurwedstrijden (M-niveau) en de coaching staan voor Finessedaardoor even stil, ze geniet van haar veulen en haar ‘zwangerschapsverlof’. Finesse stamt af van KWPN-hengst Zuidenwind x Ferro. Zuidenwind kwam onder Rose Mathisen uit voor het nationale Zweedse team. Olympic Ferro behoeft eigenlijk geen nadere introductie. Later is Zuidenwind, de OO Seven-zoon verkocht naar Japan met het oog op de Olympische spelen 2020. Het veulen wat nu bij Finesse aan de voet is, heet Promesse, en is een merrieveulen van de hengst Hermès. Deze chique elegante bruine hengst heeft inmiddels zijn Zware Tour debuut gemaakt.
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Destijds maakte Brenda’s paard haar heel duidelijk, door haar voortdurend er af te gooien, dat ze niet goed in haar vel zat. Daardoor heeft ze besloten het roer om te gooien, en is ze zich feitelijk gaan interesseren in coaching met paarden. Ondertussen is Brenda alweer 6 jaar paardencoach. Aan haar holistische opleiding (HBO kinder-gezinscoach) heeft ze de diverse paardencoaching opleidingen (Caprilli) toegevoegd.
Naast dit coachwerk, werkt Brenda nog een enkele dag in de week bij een bedrijfsverzamelgebouw, waar zelfstandige ondernemers, zoals fysiotherapeuten, mindfulness trainers en holistische therapeuten gevestigd zijn. Ze werkt er als management assistente, dit is leuk qua afwisseling en biedt haar, gezien haar andere werkzaamheden, ook nog eens fijne intercollegiale en intervisiecontacten met deze collega-zzp’ers.
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Beroepsvereniging
Brenda ondersteunt een initiatief zoals V-PCN. Voor in de toekomst is het van belang je te verenigen. Je kunt van elkaar leren, de keurmerken zijn van waarde en het kan helpen bij het declareren of vergoeden door verzekeringen of gemeenten – indien nodig. Zelf maakt Brenda deel uit van een paardencoaching intervisiegroep in Zuid-Holland, die net is opgestart. Ze streven er naar een keer of drie, vier keer per jaar bij een te komen om te sparren en ervaringen te delen.
Holisme
De naam holisme staat voor ‘geheel’ en is afgeleid van het Griekse Holos. Een holistische visie betekent dus dat je alles als één geheel ziet. En dat maakt holisme tot een interessant item: allesomvattend, non-dualistisch en bovenal verbindend. Ook families, collega’s vriendengroepen en klasgenoten vormen een systeem, net als een kudde dieren. In haar opleiding tot holistisch natuurgeneeskundig vaktherapeut voor kind en gezin, werd eerst veel aandacht besteed, aan je eigen niet verwerkte trauma’s dan wel beperkte overtuigingen. Na heling – en je bent nooit klaar – werk je aan alle vereisten om een goede therapeut te worden. Vanuit deze basis werkt Brenda. Wanneer ouders kiezen voor behandeling van hun kinderen bij Brenda, dienen zij bereid te zijn om – waar nodig – ook zelf aan sessies deel te nemen.
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Coachees
Brenda helpt vanuit haar hart kinderen samen met de paarden en pony’s die zij van mensen op de Stal De Vrijhoeve ter beschikking krijgt. De hulpvragen variëren van emotieregulatie, angststoornissen, rouwverwerking, trauma’s, het (terug)krijgen van zelf vertrouwen tot iemand in zijn kracht zetten, het zelfbewust worden. Een eerste sessie start altijd rustig, samen de pony’s borstelen, een parcoursje uitzetten, de sensory methode (even liggen op het paard, vanuit de Horse Boy Methode van Rupert Isaacson) om rustig een vertrouwensband op te bouwen.
De vervolgsessies gaan meer de diepte in, inzake de hulpvragen maar dat is altijd lekker buiten bij de pony’s, zodat het voor de kinderen wat losser en onbewuster gaat. Volwassen coachees komen veelal naar Brenda omdat ze aan zich zelf willen werken en zich zelf verder willen ontplooien.
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Wat is je intrinsieke motivatie voor je vak?
“Het mogen helpen. Mensen in hun kracht zetten en weer in balans krijgen. Vooral kinderen lopen vast door prestatiedrang en druk buitenaf. Kinderen uiten zich tegenwoordig meer, zijn gevoeliger en zetten zich af. Het kind is niet zijn gedrag, er ligt meestal een andere problematiek onder. Brenda volgt het kind. Eerst rondkijken en wat borstelen; het kind geeft het tempo aan. Er is geen goed of fout. De pony laat zien wat kan of (anders) mag. Ook in het aantal sessies wordt het kind gevolgd. Soms helpen een paar sessies al en soms kan het wel een jaar zijn.”
“Wat ik hierbij ook belangrijk vind is, dat ouders hun kind niet te veel helpen en ondersteunen, ik kom ouders tegen, die graag iedere steen en oneffenheid op het pad van hun kind weghalen. Je kind vrijheid geven om het zelf te laten leren en ervaren, zodat het zelf keuzes leert maken, en ook dat er geen man overboord is wanneer je iets beter of anders had kunnen doen, helpt een kind evenwichtig te worden en te durven leven en te durven zijn zoals hij of zij is. Je mag als ouder altijd het kind weer helpen als het over de oneffenheid of steen op diens pad is gestruikeld, maar geef ze het vertrouwen dat dat mag.”
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Welke kansen of uitdaging kwamen op je pad in de afgelopen (Corona)tijd?
“Omdat het coachen buiten is, voelt het voor mensen veel veiliger om te komen, dus toen het weer kon, stroomde de agenda snel weer vol. “ Tijdens de eerste weken van de lockdown hield Brenda online sessies met reeds bestaande klanten. Een goed gesprek en verbinding houden, hielp in die tijd. Daarin werkte ze met coachkaartjes met een stelling of een vraag, maar ook een verhaal, waarin datgene wat er bij het kind speelt, onderwerp was van dat verhaal. De leuke en sprookjesachtige inhoud van die verhalen, en het onderwerp, was helpend voor het kind.
Brenda geeft aan dat het voor veel kinderen weer fijn was om naar school te kunnen gaan. Dit hield ook in dat ze weer naar de sessies bij Brenda konden komen.
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Balans en harmonie; woorden die op je websites in het oog springen.. Wat betekenen deze voor jou zelf?
“In het geheel werk ik zoveel mogelijk aan het herstellen van innerlijke balans en harmonie in jezelf. Dat geldt uiteraard ook voor mezelf. Ik ben iemand, die in staat is om meer hooi op mijn vork te nemen, dan goed voor me is, ik kan perfectionistisch te werk gaan. Dag in en dag uit, is dat mijn uitdaging, om goed voor mezelf te zorgen en dus in balans te blijven. Wanneer je dat goed doet voor jezelf, kan je van daaruit ook goed voor de ander zorgen en de ander helpen.
Zoals ik al eerder zei, je bent zelf ook nooit klaar, het is fijn dat dank zij mijn beroepsvereniging voor natuurgeneeskundige therapeuten, je elke keer wordt uitgedaagd, om je te blijven (zelf) ontwikkelen en je daardoor scherp blijft.”
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Wat een mooie reflectie om een bijzonder gesprek mee af te sluiten.
Interviewer: Alexandra van der Vis
Foto’s: Brenda Stekelenburg
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